One Too Many Frogs

As is my usual M.O, I went cold turkey on social media for a couple of days and used that opportunity to take some time out for myself, mentally and emotionally, because let's face it, social media can take a toll on us every once in a while. 

During that time, I engaged in some series on Netflix (New Girl was the ultimate binge drug. Plus Schmidt is my new favourite person) and The Bold Type caught my attention. I had seen it a couple of times on my feed but kept shoving it aside. I usually shy away from series on Netflix and gun for 'quick movie fixes' to distract me. But here I was with more than extra time on my hands, so I delved in.

Needless to say, I enjoyed every single episode, and I learned a thing or two - one being how much writing can heal and lead to the writer's self-awareness by being open to vulnerability. Obviously, I knew that already but The Bold Type gave me a broader understanding of it.

So here I am, using this post to open up, something that I consciously try to avoid because being vocal about my feelings can be pretty disappointing. One of the reasons being that it can be misinterpreted, which then makes me wonder why the heck I even bothered *shrugs*. But apparently, they say vulnerability signifies strength, not weakness - so here it goes.

The quest to find ones soul mate is a daunting experience. Even more exhausting is the fact that if you're not so 'lucky', you tend to keep kissing so many frogs on the journey to finding "The Prince", and during the course of these trials (and errors), you get taken for granted, pushed aside, ghosted, strung along, played, amongst a host of other heart wrenching results.

And then sometimes, if not most times, you tend to ask yourself, 'What is wrong with me? Am I not good enough?' 

Well, I have asked myself that question several times, I doubt I can keep count. And it's ironic because I know for a fact that I am super amazing - I mean, have you met me? *flips imaginary mane* 

But still, the insecurity that questions why I seem to constantly fail in this quest often rears it's annoying ugly head.

Out of curiosity, I recently gave online dating a shot because, why not? And surprisingly, I've actually been having quite the experience, even though I have 'Swiped Left' or clicked 'Pass' on some 'He's interested in you' notifications more often than not.

This constantly reminds me that maybe, even more than I even realize, I am not always the 'victim' in this quest, but the 'villain' in somebody else's quest for love. I mean hitting 'Pass' pretty much means I am rejecting a certain interested person's advances, right? Plus we all know how guys are usually 'pressured' to make the first move and often get rejected every single day. Does that mean neither of them are good enough?

So in my case, as is in everyone else's, it just happens to be either one of these four reasons (and more): 

- we're not meant for each other

- it's just bad timing

- I probably don't even like him as much as I should 

- or simply put, he's just not into me because I'm just not his type *shrug*

There's this saying that I live by when I feel some kind of way about the fourth reason:

It is what it is.

Perhaps, he prefers apples, or grapes, and that's just fine! Cause there is always someone who loves peaches that's just around the corner, and this someone might not be a fan of apples, or grapes...or oranges. But again, does that make them any less ripe or juicy? 

Yep. You got that right. 

And that's that about that. 

*Dancing away while listening to "Haven't met you yet" by Michael Bublé*

A Curious Case of Carpal Tunnel

Ever heard of the medical condition called 'Carpal Tunnel?'

Well, neither had I until I became a living example of it's definition - an experience I would never wish on my worst enemy (if I had one to begin with. Because life isn't that deep tbh)

Over two weeks ago, I woke up with a pain on my left wrist. At first, I thought it was probably just because I slept on it overnight, so in like one or two hours tops, the pain would fade away, which is usually the case.

Night time came and the pain had taken a turn for the worse. I had to succumb to massaging it with some balm, hoping that by the next morning, it would be as good as new.

Boy, was I so wrong.

The next day was my mum's birthday, so I wished her a happy birthday at midnight and went back to bed, still in pain. Fast forward to 3am through to 6am - I was tossing and turning in anguish (no, I am not exaggerating). It hurt so much that I couldn't lift my hand nor move it an inch. It just lay there like a lifeless log of wood, even worse it had swollen up to the size of one. 

I shamelessly cried like a 5 year old and had no other option but to meet my mum in her room to put me out of the misery I was in.

She called my sister (who thank God, lives nearby) and she literally ran over (well, not literally) to give me a bath (I couldn't even do that myself. Horrible feeling, I tell you) so I could go to the hospital.

My immediate elder brother, who happened to come by that morning to drop my baby niece with my mum to spend time with her on her birthday, drove me to the hospital. Prior to that, my brother-in-law and sister had suspected it was carpal tunnel - seeing as they had both experienced it before (my sis while she was pregnant with her first child and her husband a few years ago due to working for long hours on his laptop - he's a programmer so it kind of comes with the job)

The doctor recommended an x-ray just to ascertain what it was. And that if it wasn't what we all suspected, a surgeon would have to get involved.

For those who don't know, I have never:

- been hospitalized

- been put on drip

- been operated on

So, yes, I silently freaked out when he mentioned the word 'surgeon'.

I got the x-ray results in less than 12 hours and luckily, there was no major cause for alarm. All my bones were intact. So the way forward was to treat it with painkillers, a sling, and as advised by a friend of mine who's a doctor, a wrist brace.

For almost two weeks, I couldn't lift my arm to give myself a proper bath, cream my body, cook meals, (God bless my mum who took on this duty like a champ), wash dishes (my eldest brother and sister helped clear out the kitchen on my mum's birthday), handle some tasks that required minor lifting (my elder brother was so helpful with these), or even wear my clothes with reckless abandon. *sad tear drop*

Sigh. I felt like a handicap in every sense of the word. Lord knows I got to a whole new level of respect for persons who are. Y'all are the real MVPs - fr fr. 

As if this experience wasn't unbearable enough, some other parts of my body decided it was also the perfect time to stress me out.

First, the painkillers affected my tummy because, unfortunately, I have ulcer. Luckily, I was given a  couple of ulcer pills as part of the prescription to ease the pain.

Second, a random sore appeared in my mouth, making it super uncomfortable for me to eat, which we all know is one of my favorite things to do in the world *sad face*

Then, the most irritating of them all, a yeast infection. Lol. I laugh at the fact that this actually happened to me. You read about some things or watch them on TV and always think, 'This can never be me'. Well, never say never. 

I had to use pessaries (again, thanks to my doctor friend who recommended them instead of pills) for 14 days to completely clear it out. 

Urgh. I don suffer these past few days sha, I no go lie.

But all in all, even though I still feel some pain on my wrist every now and then, I thank God the worst part of it is over. *wipes brow*

So what's the moral of this post? 

One - appreciate every single part of your body because every single part is just as important as your whole being.

Also, family and true friends are everything and more. The love and support I felt from them was proof that I've got the best humans in my corner.

And last but most importantly, TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. I applied for a 7 days' sick leave and made sure I didn't open my laptop during that period - because this life, na only ONE oh! Remember, if you peme there is ALWAYS someone else to replace you. 

Lass lass, everyone would be what? ALRIGHT.

That's it. That's all. Thanks for coming to my TED Talk sesh. 

A New (Foodie) Revolution

Presenting, The Foodie Diary IGTV Series!

Follow me on my journey towards ticking out several #PlacesToEat on my to-do list. 

PS: Each episode will feature a snippet of a #SongAboutFood (or simply put - a song that has food in its title) for obvious reasons. *wink*

Go follow @thewittyingenious and watch the first episode. 

You're welcome *grins*

Project 2020

Mini projects make me uber-giddy. I always loved watching Pimp My Ride and Extreme Makeover: Home Edition back in secondary school for obvious reasons. From decluttering and revamping, to planning mini birthday shindigs and brunch hangouts, once I get started, I'm super pumped and on a roll until it's all done and dusted. 

One major highlight of my organization forté was planning a surprise bridal shower for my sister...and ACTUALLY surprising her (cause surprising that human is a mini project on its own) She was so shocked she literally shed tears of joy. 

Yup. NAILED IT! 

My big brother got married in August and moved out of the house, which meant it was just going to be my mum and I until it's my turn to skidaddle.  

Almost immediately, a light bulb went off in my head. I started envisioning the soooo many different ways we could move some things around the house and make it more homey and easier to maintain and clean. 

This involved lots and lots of decluttering, (oh, so much fun!), redesigning, and rearranging.

And boy did I dive in.

First off, I took a mental note (and typed a loooong one of course) of everything that needed to be sorted out. The focus was on the living room, kitchen, bathroom - and just an extra touch for my bedroom.

The next step was to contact the key artisans - a carpenter, electrician, and plumber to come over, inspect, and advise me on the corresponding costs then get the ball rolliiiiing!

I'll share a summarized to-do list with you real quick, cause I LIVE by them. You should see my calendar - it's like OCD on overdrive. 

Here it goes:

LIVING ROOM:

1. Change the sofas and chairs - PRONTO! 

2. Rearrange the pictures and hang new ones. - This made my mum so excited cause of our family portrait and my siblings' wedding pictures. Yeah yeah, na me remain *smirk* 

3. Repair all the lightings. - All of the Lights! 

4. Mount the TV on the wall - Decided to subscribe for our DStv after what seems like years...even though that didn't go so well either. Plus tbh, DSTv is a tad bit boring. Good thing my mum's got her GOtv in her bedroom and I've got my laptop AND Netflix. 

BATHROOM:

1. Decongest - take out unused buckets cause I'm a shower typa girl.

2. Replace the water tank with something waaaay smaller. 

KITCHEN:

1. Declutter (oooh, my favourite!) - there's this detachable cupboard we set up in the kitchen where we have loads of unused crockery we brought all the way from Sudan after we moved back to Nigeria. Gathering them brought back soooo many fond memories.  But I was even more excited to see how spacious the kitchen would be after we stored them elsewhere and got rid of the cupboard.

And then, I planned to toss out lots and lots of unused PLASTICS. I mean, what's with African parents and plastics??? *straightface*

BEDROOM:

The icing on this project cake was my bedroom. I have always wanted to get some wallpapers and decided that now was the time. Luckily for me, a friend was kind enough to buy me a couple of rolls as my belated birthday present, so all I needed to do was pay to get them installed. 

To add more pizzazz to the revamp, I got a framed graphic portrait of myself, after being randomly tagged by the artiste - @mo_graphics69. And coincidentally, the background in the image blends with the wallpaper color. 

It was meant to be, wasn't it?  

To match the walls and brighten up the room, I switched up my curtains (because blinds are way too expensive in these COVID times) and changed the lightings. 

Thus, my new haven was born! 

P.S: I had this post planned for weeks, but then my phone got stolen at my cousin's wedding some days before Christmas and I didn't back up my pictures on my Google Drive, so there's that. 

Sigh, and I was so excited to show you guys the 'Before' and 'After' pictures of the living room project, as that is the one I am proudest of. Boohoo! *sad tear drops*

But like they say, still...we MEUVE! 

So...

Side note: A friend and I started a podcast a couple of months ago called Let's Controverse, which touches on topics around controversial matters. 

Be a sport and click, listen, like, comment, and share, will ya? *wink*

 

 

 

 

 

The Foodie Diary - 29th October 2020

Dear Nigerian Youth,

It's been one hell of a month hasn't it? No need to recall the heart wrenching happenings, most especially on the 20th of October, because I believe you, like myself, have had more than enough of that. Plus, the only way forward is well, forward.

So you know what to do come 2023 people! #EndBadGovernance ️ #VoteWisely 

With that being said, as you may already know, asides from listening to music, I turn to food therapy to relieve myself of stress.

No thanks to the buzzkill that is COVID-19, my girls and I haven't been out for brunch in forever. So a few days ago, I said, 'F%$k it! Let's do this bishes!' 

Well, not exactly those words but you get my drift. 

I recently discovered this brunch restaurant called Cafeteria. Apparently, I'm a LASTMA cause my friends had been there a few times on separate occasions.
I'm a sucker for having breakfast at anytime of the day (oh, how I love me some Denny's) so this option was perrrrfect for me.

Yep. This was definitely us.

As usual, I had gone through the menu on their Instagram page and decided on what I'd order before we even got there.

After bouncing back and forth on the menu for hours on end, I finally opted for the Prawn Pesto Melt and washed it down with some Caramel Vanilla Milk Tea.

All that yummy goodness on one table.

And the best part of this brunch was we didn't pay a dime. Sigh. Relassed and taken kiaruf. 

Mission accomplished.

The #rePlay Series: ePisode 11

Musicheads, get in here! 

Don't you just looooove when you randomly discover goooood music? Like it literally finds you JUST. AT. THE. RIGHT. TIME.

That's me right now, bobbing my head to Space and Time by Naija Afrobeats newbie, Victony. 

One word - Shweeeet.

I'm home alone, working my a** off on my laptop per usual, and per usual (again), I need to listen to music to fuel my mind. I pick up my phone, head to the iTunes app, and this new artiste spotlight of the month stares right at me. Normally, I don't indulge these prompts, but I think the odds were in my favor today.

Long story short, give the Saturn - EP a listen. 6 tracks worth 16 minutes of your time - trust me.

Scars To Your Beautiful

Two posts in one month. Things are looking up, aren't they?

Tell me, what are your thoughts about scars? Do you see them as ugly? Are they one of the many things that 'need' to be covered? Marks that blemish a perfectly crafted skin? Reminders of what you would rather forget?

Or do they bring back memories of your past that give you encouragement? Signs that make you recall what you've been through and how you overcame? Do they add beauty to that canvas, like a new stroke of a paintbrush on a masterpiece?

Geez. That last line got me feeling like a bad ass poet right there. 

Anyway, I digress. Where were we?

I have always been known as 'The Girl With The Hot Legs' all my life. Sounds corny, but true. Long, slender, straight, smooth - from my thighs down to my feet...all the works! God took his sweet time crafting these legs I tell you.

LOL, I actually won the title for 'Miss Hot Legs' in secondary school- Rainbow College to be precise, during one of our social nights and in several Slum Books. 

Sigh. High school - those were gooood times.

Not to be all conceited or anything, but like an old friend once said, "If I no blow my trumpet, e go rust". I mean, sometimes being 'modest' isn't good for your self-esteem, and it took me a couple of yearssss to learn that.

I don't know how I did it, but I hardly ever got any wounds or scars on my legs, save for one time when I was a kid. It was an unconscious effort at first when I was much younger. But then, as I grew older, of course the adulthood mindset sets in and I got more conscious of it and made every effort not to smear my near perfect leg skin.

And that's the thing. Once you're so paranoid about something 'bad' that could happen, it eventually does - sometimes in the worst way possible.

Dial back to a couple of months ago in 2019. I was getting ready for work one morning around 6 am. So I bring out my dress from the closet, lay it on my bed, switch on the iron, and start well...ironing.

I was done so I unplugged the iron, held it on one hand, and then bent down to pick up my phone from the bed with my other hand. And then, my nerves on my thigh went ballistic because, yep you guessed right, I had burnt it with the edge of the iron.

My, oh my, was I in pain AND complete shock. Like HOW could this happen to me??? My pride. My joooy! My Hot-Fresh-Out-Of-The-Oven laps! Obviously that day - that WHOLE week at work was horrid for me. 

Fast forward to trying to figure out ways to get rid of the scar - from scar removal creams purchased on Amazon to natural homemade remedies. Ko le werk. I even browsed through the laser scar removal option and then changed my mind when I saw how much the process costs.

And then, an idea popped into my head. I have always wanted to get a tattoo but because of my religious beliefs and other societal judgmental issues I never got round to it. So I thought to myself, what better reason to get one now than to cover the scar? And are tattoos really that big a deal? Hmmmm.

Thus, my research began, as I scouted the internet for tattoo designs that weren't 'too much' but 'much enough' to cover it all up. I asked friends and my sister for their opinions and kept going round in circles for about two months, because I mean, this is a lifetime decision. 

I found a really good tattoo artiste, @fresh2defcustomsandtattoos online and discovered that one or two friends and acquaintances were his clients. That in itself was a good sign.

We discussed the cost, which was way above my budget, and as a result, made me start rethinking whether or not it was a good idea. So I decided to get a small tattoo, see how I feel about it for a couple of months, then save up for the major one on my thigh. 

SLAP - Sounds Like A Plan! (Lol. I literally learnt this 'slang' from Deon Cole's special, Cole Hearted on Netflix last night and I just had to add it to my vocabulary)

I had settled on getting the Latin phrase - 'Veni Vidi Vici' on my wrist. It means 'I came, I saw, I conquered.' 

I ran this by a few folks and the response from two of them stood out. They both said, "But Ify, you're still young and you haven't quite 'conquered' anything major just yet."

One thing about me is that I love tattoos that are symbolic to the people who have them. And to be honest, I just wanted this cause it's a bit unique and it would really look good as a tattoo. But does it resonate with me at this time? Nope. 

So I went back to my research space and then found another Latin phrase - 'Memento Vivere', which means 'Remember to Live'. I just turned 29 - a reminder that before I hit the big 3.0, I better make the most of my last days in my twenties, no?

SLAP! Lol!

Before I changed my mind AGAIN, I quickly booked an appointment, made full payment, headed to the tattoo studio, which was miles away from home (thanks to my girls who took this 'road trip' with me) and FINALLY got it! *big grin* 

 

Surprisingly, on a scale of 1-10, the pain level was a 3/4, and the process took all of 20 minutes. Dude even offered us drinks, gave me two bars of chocolate 'for the pain', he said, and gave us a full bottle of red wine to go. Talk about a five-star service right there!

Side note: I decided I'll get the VVV tat after I 'conquer' bungee jumping and skydiving on my 30th birthday next year - hopefully. And maybe one...or two more tattoos after that (side eye)

Oh, about my thigh? Am I going to get to get it covered you ask? According to my sister and a friend of mine, they pretty much both said it actually looks kinda beautiful - like a birth mark of some sort. Plus, I have gotten so used to it it's beginning to grow on me. 

So to answer that question, nah. I don't think so. But who knows?

In the meantime (or more like when we are finally allowed to hangout after this Rona saga) imma whip out my shorts, mini skirts, and mini dresses, head out, and flaunt it.

Yep. I'm hairy. My VERY silly friend called me King Kong the other day.

By the way, my momma hasn't seen the tattoo...yet. Shhhhh!