During that time, I engaged in some series on Netflix (New Girl was the ultimate binge drug. Plus Schmidt is my new favourite person) and The Bold Type caught my attention. I had seen it a couple of times on my feed but kept shoving it aside. I usually shy away from series on Netflix and gun for 'quick movie fixes' to distract me. But here I was with more than extra time on my hands, so I delved in.
Needless to say, I enjoyed every single episode, and I learned a thing or two - one being how much writing can heal and lead to the writer's self-awareness by being open to vulnerability. Obviously, I knew that already but The Bold Type gave me a broader understanding of it.
So here I am, using this post to open up, something that I consciously try to avoid because being vocal about my feelings can be pretty disappointing. One of the reasons being that it can be misinterpreted, which then makes me wonder why the heck I even bothered *shrugs*. But apparently, they say vulnerability signifies strength, not weakness - so here it goes.
The quest to find ones soul mate is a daunting experience. Even more exhausting is the fact that if you're not so 'lucky', you tend to keep kissing so many frogs on the journey to finding "The Prince", and during the course of these trials (and errors), you get taken for granted, pushed aside, ghosted, strung along, played, amongst a host of other heart wrenching results.
And then sometimes, if not most times, you tend to ask yourself, 'What is wrong with me? Am I not good enough?'
Well, I have asked myself that question several times, I doubt I can keep count. And it's ironic because I know for a fact that I am super amazing - I mean, have you met me? *flips imaginary mane*
But still, the insecurity that questions why I seem to constantly fail in this quest often rears it's annoying ugly head.
Out of curiosity, I recently gave online dating a shot because, why not? And surprisingly, I've actually been having quite the experience, even though I have 'Swiped Left' or clicked 'Pass' on some 'He's interested in you' notifications more often than not.
This constantly reminds me that maybe, even more than I even realize, I am not always the 'victim' in this quest, but the villain in somebody else's story. I mean hitting 'Pass' pretty much means I am rejecting a certain interested person's advances, right? Plus we all know how guys are usually 'pressured' to make the first move and often get rejected every single day. Does that mean neither of them are good enough?
So in my case, as is in everyone else's, it just happens to be either one of these four reasons (and more):
- we're not meant for each other
- it's just bad timing
- I probably don't even like him as much as I should
- or simply put, he's just not into me because I'm just not his type *shrug*
There's this saying that I live by when I feel some kind of way about the fourth reason:
It is what it is.
Perhaps, he prefers apples, or grapes, and that's just fine! Cause there is always someone who loves peaches that's just around the corner, and this someone might not be a fan of apples, or grapes...or oranges. But again, does that make them any less ripe or juicy?
Yep. You got that right.
And that's that about that.
*Dancing away while listening to "Haven't met you yet" by Michael Bublé*
