Tufiakwa

For those who don't know, I used to co-host a podcast called "Let's Controverse" for about a year with a friend, but we pulled the plug after she relocated to the United Kingdom. 

Prior to that, I had stumbled on a BBC podcast competition where people from around the world could pitch their idea for a podcast that would run on the BBC Audio platform. This was back in January 2021, long before the days of ChatGPT. 

Of course, I sent mine in, but sadly, it didn't get selected. At least I tried, yeah? 

A few days ago, I found out that I still have my pitch in my phone notepad and I thought, "Why don't I post this on my blog?"

So here you go. Lemme know your thoughts. 

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For as long as our forefathers existed, there has been a constant struggle with embracing who we are, what we stand for and believe in, and making some personal choices. One major reason is the fact that some certain rules otherwise termed as "taboo", have been set in place based on what society, culture, and religion have tagged as unacceptable behaviour, choices, or beliefs.

This has stifled several persons from opening up and adopting some certain decisions that they consider the best for them due to the fear of being reprimanded, punished, or worst of all, ostracized by not just society, but their family, friends, and loved ones. 

The title of the podcast, "Tufiakwa" or "Tufia" for short, means "God forbid" in my mother tongue, Igbo, which is the prevalent language in the Eastern part of Nigeria. Growing up, hearing an elderly person utter that word was a resonance that someone had done something utterly despicable and won't go unpunished. It could be as "little" as standing up for your decision to marry someone who wasn't from the same tribe as you. 

But although the gods have decided to let intertribal marriages slide, other taboos are still frowned upon, even by the modern society. 

The aim of this platform will be to provide a safe space for Africans of the male and female gender, to freely talk about their experiences with adopting certain forbidden practices, the journey of accepting themselves and being accepted by others, and how they have, or have not been able to find their own circle and fit in. 

In doing so, it can give those who are yet to find their voices a chance to speak up, which will hopefully lead to a ripple effect and encourage others in the long run as well. 

Even though millennials are becoming more open-minded about understanding and embracing certain "unorthodox" practices, several communities as a whole still struggle with accepting the fact that most taboos do not necessarily define the persons who adopt them. These decisions simply describe a choice that they have made, a fact that they have accepted or sometimes, a situation that they were born into.  

The end game is not to insist that those who do not agree with these seemingly unorthodox practices must do so, but for them to listen in, connect with those who share their experiences, and for both parties to agree to disagree - respectfully.

I F U N A N Y A

My name is IFUNANYA and It means LOVE in the Igbo language. But how can I reflect the meaning of my name if I don't first love who I am?

A couple of months ago, a friend of mine randomly asked me what I love about myself. To my surprise, I started listing things without having to think about them. At some point, she jokingly had to tell me to stop cause I kept going on and on.

That little exercise made me feel really good about myself and thus, inspired me to write this blog post. So here I am listing all the things (and more) that I absolutely love and admire about Ifunanya. 

1. She's Independent - I've always had the mindset of sorting myself out without expecting help from anybody else - especially when it comes to my finances. There are so many milestones in my life that I achieved through my own strengths, skills, personal resources and ultimately, God's grace. 

I recently realized that I don't give myself enough credit for even my "small" accomplishments, but that's going to change from here on out.

2. She's Empathetic - I can't count how many times people, including those who I barely even know, feel safe enough to share their deepest emotions with me without fear of judgement. "Sensitive Sally" - that's what my friends call me sometimes. The nickname was culled from the fact that I can be overly emotional, but I guess that also helps me relate with the feelings of others - proof that what could be a "curse" can also serve as a gift. 

3. She's a Good Listener - I'll say this is undoubtedly one of my many super powers. Asides from the fact that I'm not much of a talker, listening to others vent or talk about their own experiences allows them feel heard, which to be honest, gives me a sense of fulfilment knowing I have made someone feel better just because I gave them a listening ear.

4. Her Physique - My height. My shape. My legs. I meaaan, have you seen me? 

5. Her Elegance - Not to brag but this just comes naturally. I don't even have to try so hard. Now who wouldn't love that about themselves?

6. Her Confidence - I'm articulate and outspoken. I can step into a room full of people with my head held high. 

Big ups to my mum for instilling this trait in me. Indeed, lioness no fit born goat. 

7. Her Intelligence - I had straight A's in my JSCE, graduated from secondary school as the Library Prefect, and was a top student in my class from primary school to university. But book smart aside, my intelligence often showcases itself in my work, perspectives, and conversations. 

Double score.

8. She's Attractive - A few months ago, I watched an interview of Tina Turner (RIP) that made me truly understand the essence of being attractive. I notice how much my aura attracts not just anybody, but a certain calibre of like-minded people with a positive energy.

Beautiful AND attractive? Well, damn. 

9. She's Creative - I'm a content creator. I draw. I paint. I write poems. I sing. I blog. Need I say more? 

Speaking of singing, here's a feature I did on a friend's track. Nothing professional - just for the fun of it. 

10. She's Adventurous - I'm always down to try new things, solo travel to new places and embrace new opportunities. It's the adrenaline rush for me!

11. Her Facial Features - I was insecure about my nose for the looongest time. I even thought about getting a rhinoplasty done (pssssh!) or giving dermal fillers a try. But then I thought, why fix something that's not broken? 

Now, I've learnt to embrace all my features - the flat nose, the wide lips, the big forehead - because they are the perfect representation of my unique and authentic self. 

12. She's Resilient - I pride myself in being a finisher - once I start something, I must see it to the very end. It could be as little as a workout routine or as big as a work project - there's no stopping me when my foot is on the pedal. 

13. She's Resourceful - Having trouble fleshing out an idea? In search of a list of vendors for a particular product? Finding it hard to draft a report? Need help with planning an event? I'm your girl.

14. Her Sense of Humour - I might not be the funniest person you've ever met, but my weird ass sense of humour cracks me the hell up - anyone else who gets it, gets it. 

PS: People who can relate have a special place in my heart. 

15. She's a Conversationalist - I can talk about any and everything with just about anyone and not get lost in the conversation. Research is key - thank you, Google.  

16. Her Music Taste - A blend of every genre from every timeline. One of the many reasons why I get giddy with excitement whenever my playlist is on shuffle.

17. She's Unconventional - My preferences are somewhat not within the usual norm. Odd things often interest me. They say weird is the new cool, am I right? 

18. She's an Introvert - Whenever my friends call me a homebody and jokingly say I'm "anti-social", I lowkey love the fact that they know that about me. I would say that coming home to my bed, listening to music or watching a movie alone while eating a snack is easily my most favourite part of the day. Enjoying your own company is top tier. 

19. Her Voice - I don't know if anyone is as obsessed about their voice as much as I am. Sometimes I replay my voice notes and just swoon to the sound of it. Don't judge me. 

20. Her Smile - 3,000 watt. It also helps that I have a pretty nice set of teeth - gap, to be precise. 

21. She's Genuine - If there's one thing about me, it's that I would never stress to impress. What you see, is what you get. 

21 points? Way to go, Ifunanya! Way to go!

Now here's to you reading this - I hope it makes you realize all the seemingly little wonderful things about you that you often take for granted. 

Cause you, my darling, are AH-MAZING. Never forget that. 

xxx

Ifunanya 

I Met Someone

I met someone

He's cute

Tall, charming, considerate

But he doesn't 'get' me the way I hoped he would 

I guess I don't get him either 

Oh, well 

I met someone

He's witty

We love the same things, laugh at the same jokes 

But he's not interested in a relationship and he's not sure when he'll be

I know, typical 

I met someone

He's ambitious

Doing quite well for himself

He tours the world, owns businesses and such

But he's not over his ex-girlfriend

Yep, that sucks 

I met someone

He's just like me

We both want something more but we are taking things slow

Figuring things out - about ourselves, about each other

Steady getting to that destination, whenever that will be 

Hopefully, some day I'll look back and say, 

"I met someone...

And he was the one."

All Roads Led To Ilorin

There are a handful of friends for whom I would willingly experience some discomfort to show how much I value them.

Yinka or rather, Yinkus Minkus as I fondly call him, is one of such friends. 

One reason being that he will do (and has done) the same for me without my asking and him expecting absolutely nothing in return.

And it amazes me because we haven't been friends for the longest time, which just further proves the fact that friendship isn't about the number of years you've known each other, but about the significant moments you've shared together. 

Okay, I think I've done enough with the touchy-feely-mushiness because truth be told, this nigga is one of the craziest humans I know and shouldn't be described with such sane words. So this is me switching back to our status quo. 

Now back to the essence of the post. 

Last year, before he relocated to the United States to practice medicine (after Rona tried it's possible best not to allow that happen), I excitedly helped him plan an intimate proposal dinner for his then girlfriend. 

PS: I'm the plug for that kind of gig. So holla at your girl *wink* 

Fast forward to a couple of months ago, dude invites me to his wedding and makes it seem like it was going to hold in Lagos, and of course, there was no way I was going to miss it. 

And then he sends me the invite a couple of weeks later, and the location read 'Ilorin' which is in Kwara state, a place I have never been to and never thought I'd go to in the nearest future. 

*Excuse my French in the subsequent text, seeing as that is how he and I address each other more often than not. I'll try my very best to be subtle* 

Apparently, the motherfucker 'tricked' me into committing to attending his wedding knowing that I won't turn back on my word, irrespective of where it was going to take place. 

The idiot knows me too well. 

Smdh. Such a hoodlum.

To top it off, he sorted out my hotel booking, which also happened to be at the wedding venue, so there was no excuse for me not to come through, whether I had to get there by road, air, or worst case scenario, by sea. 

But the fact is, even if he didn't help with that, I would have still figured out a way nonetheless, for obvious reasons (refer to the first paragraph) 

And yes, being there to celebrate with the asshole was absolutely worth it. 

So here I am, typing this on my ride back to Lagos, knowing that the back ache from going on a 5 hour road trip twice in two consecutive days will not compare to this feeling of fulfilment. 

And on that note, congratulations again Yinkus Minkus! Now go forth and procreate! My one prayer is that at least one of your offspring will not be as insane as you are. 

xxxx

Your favourite 'Beech' aka 'Kikilicious' 

Yep, that's what he calls me, amongst other foolish names. I told you he's not normal.  

In other related news, Yinkus has a very engaging blog called Dr. Chitchatter, which I dare say that I prompted him to start (also which I am very proud that he did). Each post is definitely worth reading, trust me. 

You should check it out by starting off with his latest post titled, Till Death Do Us Part?

One Too Many Frogs

As is my usual M.O, I went cold turkey on social media for a couple of days and used that opportunity to take some time out for myself, mentally and emotionally, because let's face it, social media can take a toll on us every once in a while. 

During that time, I engaged in some series on Netflix (New Girl was the ultimate binge drug. Plus Schmidt is my new favourite person) and The Bold Type caught my attention. I had seen it a couple of times on my feed but kept shoving it aside. I usually shy away from series on Netflix and gun for 'quick movie fixes' to distract me. But here I was with more than extra time on my hands, so I delved in.

Needless to say, I enjoyed every single episode, and I learned a thing or two - one being how much writing can heal and lead to the writer's self-awareness by being open to vulnerability. Obviously, I knew that already but The Bold Type gave me a broader understanding of it.

So here I am, using this post to open up, something that I consciously try to avoid because being vocal about my feelings can be pretty disappointing. One of the reasons being that it can be misinterpreted, which then makes me wonder why the heck I even bothered *shrugs*. But apparently, they say vulnerability signifies strength, not weakness - so here it goes.

The quest to find ones soul mate is a daunting experience. Even more exhausting is the fact that if you're not so 'lucky', you tend to keep kissing so many frogs on the journey to finding "The Prince", and during the course of these trials (and errors), you get taken for granted, pushed aside, ghosted, strung along, played, amongst a host of other heart wrenching results.

And then sometimes, if not most times, you tend to ask yourself, 'What is wrong with me? Am I not good enough?' 

Well, I have asked myself that question several times, I doubt I can keep count. And it's ironic because I know for a fact that I am super amazing - I mean, have you met me? *flips imaginary mane* 

But still, the insecurity that questions why I seem to constantly fail in this quest often rears it's annoying ugly head.

Out of curiosity, I recently gave online dating a shot because, why not? And surprisingly, I've actually been having quite the experience, even though I have 'Swiped Left' or clicked 'Pass' on some 'He's interested in you' notifications more often than not.

This constantly reminds me that maybe, even more than I even realize, I am not always the 'victim' in this quest, but the 'villain' in somebody else's quest for love. I mean hitting 'Pass' pretty much means I am rejecting a certain interested person's advances, right? Plus we all know how guys are usually 'pressured' to make the first move and often get rejected every single day. Does that mean neither of them are good enough?

So in my case, as is in everyone else's, it just happens to be either one of these four reasons (and more): 

- we're not meant for each other

- it's just bad timing

- I probably don't even like him as much as I should 

- or simply put, he's just not into me because I'm just not his type *shrug*

There's this saying that I live by when I feel some kind of way about the fourth reason:

It is what it is.

Perhaps, he prefers apples, or grapes, and that's just fine! Cause there is always someone who loves peaches that's just around the corner, and this someone might not be a fan of apples, or grapes...or oranges. But again, does that make them any less ripe or juicy? 

Yep. You got that right. 

And that's that about that. 

*Dancing away while listening to "Haven't met you yet" by Michael Bublé*

A Curious Case of Carpal Tunnel

Ever heard of the medical condition called 'Carpal Tunnel?'

Well, neither had I until I became a living example of it's definition - an experience I would never wish on my worst enemy (if I had one to begin with. Because life isn't that deep tbh)

Over two weeks ago, I woke up with a pain on my left wrist. At first, I thought it was probably just because I slept on it overnight, so in like one or two hours tops, the pain would fade away, which is usually the case.

Night time came and the pain had taken a turn for the worse. I had to succumb to massaging it with some balm, hoping that by the next morning, it would be as good as new.

Boy, was I so wrong.

The next day was my mum's birthday, so I wished her a happy birthday at midnight and went back to bed, still in pain. Fast forward to 3am through to 6am - I was tossing and turning in anguish (no, I am not exaggerating). It hurt so much that I couldn't lift my hand nor move it an inch. It just lay there like a lifeless log of wood, even worse it had swollen up to the size of one. 

I shamelessly cried like a 5 year old and had no other option but to meet my mum in her room to put me out of the misery I was in.

She called my sister (who thank God, lives nearby) and she literally ran over (well, not literally) to give me a bath (I couldn't even do that myself. Horrible feeling, I tell you) so I could go to the hospital.

My immediate elder brother, who happened to come by that morning to drop my baby niece with my mum to spend time with her on her birthday, drove me to the hospital. Prior to that, my brother-in-law and sister had suspected it was carpal tunnel - seeing as they had both experienced it before (my sis while she was pregnant with her first child and her husband a few years ago due to working for long hours on his laptop - he's a programmer so it kind of comes with the job)

The doctor recommended an x-ray just to ascertain what it was. And that if it wasn't what we all suspected, a surgeon would have to get involved.

For those who don't know, I have never:

- been hospitalized

- been put on drip

- been operated on

So, yes, I silently freaked out when he mentioned the word 'surgeon'.

I got the x-ray results in less than 12 hours and luckily, there was no major cause for alarm. All my bones were intact. So the way forward was to treat it with painkillers, a sling, and as advised by a friend of mine who's a doctor, a wrist brace.

For almost two weeks, I couldn't lift my arm to give myself a proper bath, cream my body, cook meals, (God bless my mum who took on this duty like a champ), wash dishes (my eldest brother and sister helped clear out the kitchen on my mum's birthday), handle some tasks that required minor lifting (my elder brother was so helpful with these), or even wear my clothes with reckless abandon. *sad tear drop*

Sigh. I felt like a handicap in every sense of the word. Lord knows I got to a whole new level of respect for persons who are. Y'all are the real MVPs - fr fr. 

As if this experience wasn't unbearable enough, some other parts of my body decided it was also the perfect time to stress me out.

First, the painkillers affected my tummy because, unfortunately, I have ulcer. Luckily, I was given a  couple of ulcer pills as part of the prescription to ease the pain.

Second, a random sore appeared in my mouth, making it super uncomfortable for me to eat, which we all know is one of my favorite things to do in the world *sad face*

Then, the most irritating of them all, a yeast infection. Lol. I laugh at the fact that this actually happened to me. You read about some things or watch them on TV and always think, 'This can never be me'. Well, never say never. 

I had to use pessaries (again, thanks to my doctor friend who recommended them instead of pills) for 14 days to completely clear it out. 

Urgh. I don suffer these past few days sha, I no go lie.

But all in all, even though I still feel some pain on my wrist every now and then, I thank God the worst part of it is over. *wipes brow*

So what's the moral of this post? 

One - appreciate every single part of your body because every single part is just as important as your whole being.

Also, family and true friends are everything and more. The love and support I felt from them was proof that I've got the best humans in my corner.

And last but most importantly, TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. I applied for a 7 days' sick leave and made sure I didn't open my laptop during that period - because this life, na only ONE oh! Remember, if you peme there is ALWAYS someone else to replace you. 

Lass lass, everyone would be what? ALRIGHT.

That's it. That's all. Thanks for coming to my TED Talk sesh. 

Project 2020

Mini projects make me uber-giddy. I always loved watching Pimp My Ride and Extreme Makeover: Home Edition back in secondary school for obvious reasons. From decluttering and revamping, to planning mini birthday shindigs and brunch hangouts, once I get started, I'm super pumped and on a roll until it's all done and dusted. 

One major highlight of my organization forté was planning a surprise bridal shower for my sister...and ACTUALLY surprising her (cause surprising that human is a mini project on its own) She was so shocked she literally shed tears of joy. 

Yup. NAILED IT! 

My big brother got married in August and moved out of the house, which meant it was just going to be my mum and I until it's my turn to skidaddle.  

Almost immediately, a light bulb went off in my head. I started envisioning the soooo many different ways we could move some things around the house and make it more homey and easier to maintain and clean. 

This involved lots and lots of decluttering, (oh, so much fun!), redesigning, and rearranging.

And boy did I dive in.

First off, I took a mental note (and typed a loooong one of course) of everything that needed to be sorted out. The focus was on the living room, kitchen, bathroom - and just an extra touch for my bedroom.

The next step was to contact the key artisans - a carpenter, electrician, and plumber to come over, inspect, and advise me on the corresponding costs then get the ball rolliiiiing!

I'll share a summarized to-do list with you real quick, cause I LIVE by them. You should see my calendar - it's like OCD on overdrive. 

Here it goes:

LIVING ROOM:

1. Change the sofas and chairs - PRONTO! 

2. Rearrange the pictures and hang new ones. - This made my mum so excited cause of our family portrait and my siblings' wedding pictures. Yeah yeah, na me remain *smirk* 

3. Repair all the lightings. - All of the Lights! 

4. Mount the TV on the wall - Decided to subscribe for our DStv after what seems like years...even though that didn't go so well either. Plus tbh, DSTv is a tad bit boring. Good thing my mum's got her GOtv in her bedroom and I've got my laptop AND Netflix. 

BATHROOM:

1. Decongest - take out unused buckets cause I'm a shower typa girl.

2. Replace the water tank with something waaaay smaller. 

KITCHEN:

1. Declutter (oooh, my favourite!) - there's this detachable cupboard we set up in the kitchen where we have loads of unused crockery we brought all the way from Sudan after we moved back to Nigeria. Gathering them brought back soooo many fond memories.  But I was even more excited to see how spacious the kitchen would be after we stored them elsewhere and got rid of the cupboard.

And then, I planned to toss out lots and lots of unused PLASTICS. I mean, what's with African parents and plastics??? *straightface*

BEDROOM:

The icing on this project cake was my bedroom. I have always wanted to get some wallpapers and decided that now was the time. Luckily for me, a friend was kind enough to buy me a couple of rolls as my belated birthday present, so all I needed to do was pay to get them installed. 

To add more pizzazz to the revamp, I got a framed graphic portrait of myself, after being randomly tagged by the artiste - @mo_graphics69. And coincidentally, the background in the image blends with the wallpaper color. 

It was meant to be, wasn't it?  

To match the walls and brighten up the room, I switched up my curtains (because blinds are way too expensive in these COVID times) and changed the lightings. 

Thus, my new haven was born! 

P.S: I had this post planned for weeks, but then my phone got stolen at my cousin's wedding some days before Christmas and I didn't back up my pictures on my Google Drive, so there's that. 

Sigh, and I was so excited to show you guys the 'Before' and 'After' pictures of the living room project, as that is the one I am proudest of. Boohoo! *sad tear drops*

But like they say, still...we MEUVE! 

So...

Side note: A friend and I started a podcast a couple of months ago called Let's Controverse, which touches on topics around controversial matters. 

Be a sport and click, listen, like, comment, and share, will ya? *wink*

 

 

 

 

 

Scars To Your Beautiful

Two posts in one month. Things are looking up, aren't they?

Tell me, what are your thoughts about scars? Do you see them as ugly? Are they one of the many things that 'need' to be covered? Marks that blemish a perfectly crafted skin? Reminders of what you would rather forget?

Or do they bring back memories of your past that give you encouragement? Signs that make you recall what you've been through and how you overcame? Do they add beauty to that canvas, like a new stroke of a paintbrush on a masterpiece?

Geez. That last line got me feeling like a bad ass poet right there. 

Anyway, I digress. Where were we?

I have always been known as 'The Girl With The Hot Legs' all my life. Sounds corny, but true. Long, slender, straight, smooth - from my thighs down to my feet...all the works! God took his sweet time crafting these legs I tell you.

LOL, I actually won the title for 'Miss Hot Legs' in secondary school- Rainbow College to be precise, during one of our social nights and in several Slum Books. 

Sigh. High school - those were gooood times.

Not to be all conceited or anything, but like an old friend once said, "If I no blow my trumpet, e go rust". I mean, sometimes being 'modest' isn't good for your self-esteem, and it took me a couple of yearssss to learn that.

I don't know how I did it, but I hardly ever got any wounds or scars on my legs, save for one time when I was a kid. It was an unconscious effort at first when I was much younger. But then, as I grew older, of course the adulthood mindset sets in and I got more conscious of it and made every effort not to smear my near perfect leg skin.

And that's the thing. Once you're so paranoid about something 'bad' that could happen, it eventually does - sometimes in the worst way possible.

Dial back to a couple of months ago in 2019. I was getting ready for work one morning around 6 am. So I bring out my dress from the closet, lay it on my bed, switch on the iron, and start well...ironing.

I was done so I unplugged the iron, held it on one hand, and then bent down to pick up my phone from the bed with my other hand. And then, my nerves on my thigh went ballistic because, yep you guessed right, I had burnt it with the edge of the iron.

My, oh my, was I in pain AND complete shock. Like HOW could this happen to me??? My pride. My joooy! My Hot-Fresh-Out-Of-The-Oven laps! Obviously that day - that WHOLE week at work was horrid for me. 

Fast forward to trying to figure out ways to get rid of the scar - from scar removal creams purchased on Amazon to natural homemade remedies. Ko le werk. I even browsed through the laser scar removal option and then changed my mind when I saw how much the process costs.

And then, an idea popped into my head. I have always wanted to get a tattoo but because of my religious beliefs and other societal judgmental issues I never got round to it. So I thought to myself, what better reason to get one now than to cover the scar? And are tattoos really that big a deal? Hmmmm.

Thus, my research began, as I scouted the internet for tattoo designs that weren't 'too much' but 'much enough' to cover it all up. I asked friends and my sister for their opinions and kept going round in circles for about two months, because I mean, this is a lifetime decision. 

I found a really good tattoo artiste, @fresh2defcustomsandtattoos online and discovered that one or two friends and acquaintances were his clients. That in itself was a good sign.

We discussed the cost, which was way above my budget, and as a result, made me start rethinking whether or not it was a good idea. So I decided to get a small tattoo, see how I feel about it for a couple of months, then save up for the major one on my thigh. 

SLAP - Sounds Like A Plan! (Lol. I literally learnt this 'slang' from Deon Cole's special, Cole Hearted on Netflix last night and I just had to add it to my vocabulary)

I had settled on getting the Latin phrase - 'Veni Vidi Vici' on my wrist. It means 'I came, I saw, I conquered.' 

I ran this by a few folks and the response from two of them stood out. They both said, "But Ify, you're still young and you haven't quite 'conquered' anything major just yet."

One thing about me is that I love tattoos that are symbolic to the people who have them. And to be honest, I just wanted this cause it's a bit unique and it would really look good as a tattoo. But does it resonate with me at this time? Nope. 

So I went back to my research space and then found another Latin phrase - 'Memento Vivere', which means 'Remember to Live'. I just turned 29 - a reminder that before I hit the big 3.0, I better make the most of my last days in my twenties, no?

SLAP! Lol!

Before I changed my mind AGAIN, I quickly booked an appointment, made full payment, headed to the tattoo studio, which was miles away from home (thanks to my girls who took this 'road trip' with me) and FINALLY got it! *big grin* 

 

Surprisingly, on a scale of 1-10, the pain level was a 3/4, and the process took all of 20 minutes. Dude even offered us drinks, gave me two bars of chocolate 'for the pain', he said, and gave us a full bottle of red wine to go. Talk about a five-star service right there!

Side note: I decided I'll get the VVV tat after I 'conquer' bungee jumping and skydiving on my 30th birthday next year - hopefully. And maybe one...or two more tattoos after that (side eye)

Oh, about my thigh? Am I going to get to get it covered you ask? According to my sister and a friend of mine, they pretty much both said it actually looks kinda beautiful - like a birth mark of some sort. Plus, I have gotten so used to it it's beginning to grow on me. 

So to answer that question, nah. I don't think so. But who knows?

In the meantime (or more like when we are finally allowed to hangout after this Rona saga) imma whip out my shorts, mini skirts, and mini dresses, head out, and flaunt it.

Yep. I'm hairy. My VERY silly friend called me King Kong the other day.

By the way, my momma hasn't seen the tattoo...yet. Shhhhh!

Twenty-FINE!

Yooooo!!! It's been a whirlwind of a week and it hasn't even ended yet!

If you know me then you know my 29th birthday was less than a couple of days ago - the 4th to be precise. And even though in an ideal 'Rona' free scenario, I should've been in Kenya, looking down the safari from a hot air balloon in Masa Mara, to jumping down a plane skydiving in Diani beach, and swinging on a rope bungee jumping in Nairobi. This trip that I had already made a deposit for was cancelled, of course. And to make matters worse, my phone decided to go bonkers the weekend before, leaving me struggling to answer NUMEROUS messages and calls on my birthday with an ancient iPhone I forgot still existed in my 'archive'.

But still, I couldn't have exchanged how it all turned out for ANYTHING!

Like my travel agent @funmioyatogun cc: @tvpadventures 'prophesied' that morning:

Hehe, more like:

Kiki - 5

Corona - 0

Ha! Take THAT Bish!

Let me lay out the scoreboard for y'all:

1. BORDERLINE DEPRESSION

KiKi - 0

Rona - 5

I was borderline depressed as my birth date drew closer for obvious reasons: 

1. No trip - wailsssss :(

2. No cash - salary slash and what-not (boo hoo)

3. This also meant that I couldn't pay for my long awaited birthday photo shoot with @thetspictures, a photography business owned by a friend of mine and her husband

4. It's Rona season and pretty much everyone I know is broke. So hinting at my family and friends to buy gifts felt a tad bit selfish, so I simply wrote down a birthday wish-list just for the fun (and sadness) of it.

5. And then the realization that I was gearing closer to my last year in my twenties hit me (I wasn't ready yo!!! Tbh I'm still not ready *cringe*).

So my plan was to be a bum and stay in bed all day, eating the special meal I knew my mum would definitely prepare for me - at least that was a given. 

In a nutshell, I just wasn't really looking forward to it. The Rona was having a field day on my parade. 

But then...

2. PHOTO SHOOT

KiKi - 1

Rona - 4

My sis-in-law to be (at the time), made it her mission to find a way I could still have a photo shoot at a very affordable rate. She found a promo package by a make up artiste @faces_by_candie, which came with a make up session and a few edited pictures and she and my sister made sure I signed up for it. 

Then a few days later, I saw a couple of pictures that @thetspictures posted on their Instagram page of a birthday photo shoot they just did and I sent my friend a message saying how it was a bummer that I couldn't have mine due to my forlorn situation. Lo and behold, she calls me to tell me to come over for my shoot - FOR FREE! 

Luckily for me, it was scheduled on the same day I was getting my make up done and both locations were in the same vicinity. So I had my face beat with a few pictures taken in the morning and my main photo shoot that afternoon. Talk about the perfect arrangement!

Your girl was looking like a whole damn three-course meal!

3. LEGALLY MARRIED

KiKi - 2

Rona - 3

First off, the background hitch story: I made a new friend on my trip to Ghana in April last year, whom my  'bigger' brother saw her picture on my status and didn't allow me rest for my unborn children until I gave him her phone number. Long story short, they got engaged a couple of weeks ago. *big grin*

The court wedding was scheduled to hold on the week before my birthday but due to the Sallah break, which of course was a public holiday, plans changed and it was postponed to Tuesday - my birthday. This gave me a 'more than enough reason' to actually get up from my bed and get all dressed up for the ceremony. Of course my 'being-a-bum-all-day' plans were nullified - for a good cause. SCORE!

P.S: If they don't give me a special shout out on their big day, imma crash the wedding. *straight face*

4. GIFTS and WELL-WISHES

KiKi - 3

Rona - 2

Remember the birthday wish-list I mentioned? My sneaky sis sent it to a couple of friends of mine and out of it, I got:

A pair of gold brogues (they are blindingly gorgeous!)

A cake - from SALT! If you know @saltlagos they make one of the best (cheese)cakes in Lagos. 

Some casssssh! *doing the money dance* (however that's done)

Then my new sis-in-law added yet another cake from W's Bakeshop @bakeshopofficial to the pile! 

PLUS, my brother-in-law said he will help out with buying me a new phone! *tears of joy*

My hairdresser (yep) even made and gave me a pixie human hair wig as a present! I meeeean...how sweet!

And oh, did my friends and colleagues make me feel special or what?! I got countless messages and calls even from people I NEVER expected! As tired as my fingers and voice were of constantly responding to messages and phone calls, it was refreshingly overwhelming.

4. AGING LIKE FINE WINE

KiKi - 4

Rona - 1

Looking at my life and how blessed I am to have family, friends, talents, features, and things I find insignificant or irrelevant, things people will literally kill and die for, I realized that day that it's not how long, or how far you've gone, but how well. And I sure am doing way better than I thought. 

I have a long road ahead of me but I'll get to my destination eventually, because despite all my shortcomings and faithlessness, and sometimes (if not most times) my ingratitude, He's got me.

So 20, 25, 29 or heck even 30, the fact remains that I am alive. I am healthy.  I am happy. I AM LOVED. And that's really ALL that matters at the end of the day.

I meeean! Just look at that!

(peep my gurrrrl, BluBlu at the back)

5. THE NEW ADDITION TO THE FAMILY

KiKi - 5

Rona - 0

And the ICING on the already yummy birthday cake *drum rolls* 

My other sis-in-law, that's my 'big' brother's wife was pregnant (for clarity- so my 'bigger' brother is the one born after my big sis, and my 'big' brother is the one born after my 'bigger' brother, whom I was born after. Got it?) and I had been teasing her for months that she would give birth on my birthday. Yep, you guessed right.

My cute little baby niece arrived by 7:05 pm that day! ECSTATIC couldn't even describe how I felt!!! 

The PERFECT end to a perfect birthday. 

Sigh! *love struck*

Need I say more? 

That being said, cheerZ to living the last year in my twenties with a BANG! 

Oh, and one more thing:

Indoor Activity

Ah, the COVID-19-pandemic-social distance-bandwagon. As you might already know, the lock down here in Nigeria has been extended for two more weeks and people, my sister inclusive, are going bonkers. I, on the other hand, am thriviiiing! Oh, the joys of being an introvert. Sigh.

Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy hanging out with my handful of friends a whole lot. But I enjoy staying indoors even more. The stress of looking for what to wear, ordering a cab and having to direct the driver to my location AND destination when Google maps decides to go gaga, which is more often than not, and then the icing on the cake, getting stuck in traffic. Nope.

Back to the lock down. After a few days of lying in bed and being a bum all day, abi all week (mehn I've lost track of what day each day is), I thought to myself, coupled with working from home, why not use this opportunity to get fit like you've been meaning to do since forever. (Remember my 21 days cleanse? Yep, the diet bit didn't happen, and although I have a few solid reasons why, giving excuses just won't cut it.)

Fast forward to three weeks later, I have been sweating it out in the morning four times a week (jogging inclusive, before some dumb dumbs decided to ruin that for me), used the cash I would have probably spent a couple of times on Uber, work lunches or at the salon to stock up on veggies, high-fibre and high-protein meal options, fruits, and most of all (which is a huge deal for me because white bread, pastries and I are pretty much soulmates), I am staying as far away as possible from refined and high-carb foods. Plus I have been drinking so much water I feel like an elephant, coupled with the fact that my bladder is the size of a peanut.

 

That's right. Your girl don vex!
App: Fitify

But boy, was it a struggle to find healthy food sources. Markets are obviously closed and the usual food service vendors are either expensive (the lock down comes with inflation of course) or aren't delivering meals to my area. Good thing I'm a Google pro cause I found a couple of Nigerian food market websites that sell just what I needed - shout out to Deeski, Supermart and Organichaive. I even hooked a few people up cause that's how I roll *wink* Plus, a friend @ujusdelight who bakes one of the yummiest loaves of banana bread I have ever had, was kind enough to help me buy a huge bunch of bananas and send them over. Bless her heart.
Hmm, it's ironic how some businesses are actually making more sales this period. One man's poison is certainly another man's meat.

When life hands you lemons, you sometimes realize how good you are at making lemonade. I mean, lazy-ass-foodie-me actually getting up in the morning to work out for nothing less than 30 minutes AND sticking to an actual diet?  Shocker!
Point to note, eating right and being active isn't just about losing weight. It's about GETTING and STAYING healthy. So please, don't ask me what weight I am trying to lose. Even though yes, I am gunning for a few abs. A girl needs to upgrade biko.

As much as I love my indoor-me-time, I certainly look forward to all this coming to an end. And I can't wait to see the positive impact it will make. Perhaps working from home will be a thing? Seeing as I am still as efficient as hell working from my couch and not at my desk. *shrug*

Until then, I'll be here, braless...and sipping on my lemonade.

This too shall pass mate. CheerZ.

21 Days...Or More

Sometimes, we just need a cleanse.
A cleanse from social media.
A cleanse from unhealthy food.
A cleanse from well, people. Or that particular person.

Sometimes, we just need a break from all three.

Hearing about Kobe Bryant and his daughter's death last night just gave me yet another reason to go offline for a while.
I try my hardest to steer clear from bad news as much as possible, but social media harbours a lot of depressing news it chokes me.
I long for the days when I couldn't be bothered about FOMO. And the more I long for those days, the more I find myself drawing closer to that decision of pressing the brakes on my social media accounts.
One of the few reasons I am yet to do that is the irking reactions I will get from people.
'Are you okay?'
'Who are you running from?'
'Na wa oh! Someone can't reach you again?'

But I have decided my answers to these three 'pertinent' questions, which I will respond to like clockwork every single time *smirk*
'Sure, why not? I am just off social media, not dying from cancer, sweetie.'
'My imaginary stalker ex ex ex ex boyfriend. Duh.'
'Errr, hunny, you can text AND call, no?'

Nah. I won't be THAT mean, 'cause I know more than half of these folks actually do care.
But yeah, you get my drift.

Taking a break from food is loooong overdue. I mean, y'all know how much Kiki loves her food.
But I need this. Not just for now, but to make it a lifestyle. Your girl's gotta get her abs on!
So, coupled with my diet plan, I will hit the gym twice a week - Tuesdays and Thursdays to be precise, and jog every Saturday (so help me God).

And then the most important of all, The Human Cleanse. No long story here, seeing as we've all probably been in this situation before.
Like, you know when you know you are getting  a tad bit too attached to someone (whom you really shouldn't) and you need to take a step or two back? And it's not cause the person isn't good per say, but cause you need your headspace to be in the right place to make things work effortlessly between you guys.
Yep.
Call this more like a mental cleanse. I am a loner. Being on my lonesome is when I thrive the most.
I need to remind myself that I still have that 'amazing' trait. That I can handle not talking to this person every single day and maintain that 'mental balance', for lack of a better term.
And to answer your 'question', nope, it's not a romantic relationship. Baby girl is still singu to stupor...for now *wink*

That being said, expect my 'Cleanse Report' in 21 days people. Wish me luck.

PS: Happy 4th Blogiversary to me *blows out candle*
And Happy 63rd Birthday Mamma Mia! *blows kiss*

A Dozen Reasons To Remember You

I am pretty giddy about this write up because it delves into an integral part of my childhood memories that featured an INTEGRAL human in my life. My dad :)

I can't count how many times I have gushed to a few of my friends about some things my dad used to do and say, and they would be like, "Your dad was so tush. So what happened to you?"

*rolls eyes* Na dem sabi. Lol.

But then, I totally agree. (not with the fact that I am razz oh. Well, I am kinda razz.) We actually had and still have a nickname for my dad, which is 'Oyibo-Wey-Miss-Road'.

It's funny because he literally grew up in his home town, the village even, and yet, he displayed so many mannerisms that made people think he was one of who we now call the 'I-Just-Got-Back' folk. And the most endearing thing was that it was not a façade in ANY way, which is one of the many reasons people were fond of him.

I often say this - I praise my dad this much not because I am biased, but because he was a genuinely lovely man, a very rare type if I may add. And yes, I do miss him every single day...I've even got tears in my eyes as I type this. But nope, this isn't a sappy write up so let me get on with it.

Alrighty. Here's a little background story on how I decided on this post. A new friend of mine and I were having one of our oddly stimulating yet silly conversations about why I like Nesquik, and food in general of course. Then a light bulb came on in my head - and here we are.

So here's a dozen things that remind me of my pop :)

1. Nesquik Chocolate Drink
Dad used to buy this as a random treat. My siblings and I always looked forward to it, and of course we scooped more than we were supposed to. Oh, the thick yumminess! *licks lips*

2. Old Spice After Shave
Ah, the fragrance of Old Spice After Shave that lingered everywhere he went. I can still picture how he used to stand in front of the bathroom mirror and dab it on his chin and neck.

3. Lindt Mini Chocolates
I remember how often my dad used to come back from his trips to Europe with boxes of Lindt mini chocolates. 

Luckily for me, a few months ago, a colleague-turned-friend of mine was travelling to Switzerland on an official trip, and I had just one request - a box of chocolates, Lindt to be precise.

4. Fubu. Fila. New Balance. 
Dad was a t-shirt, jeans and sneakers typa guy, with the occasional baseball cap. So you can imagine how many sneakers he had lined up in his bedroom. But the thing is, they were more often than not either Fubu, Fila (remember them?) or New Balance brands. 

Perhaps he wore other sneaker brands but I honestly can't recall seeing them. I would have loved to ask him why, just out of curiosity.

5. Lion Chocolate Bar

My dad was a pro at indulging our sweet tooth, and buying us Lion chocolate bars was one of his many ways of doing that. Yep. Mum gave up trying to stop him eventually.

6. Polaroids
He loved capturing every moment in pictures. I can't count how many polaroid cameras dad had talk less of how many pictures of us he took with them. And I am mighty glad he did, because I get to relive those memories over and over again.

7. Postcards
Because of the nature of his job, which was with the United Nations, he travelled a whole lot. And when he did he always, and I mean ALWAYS sent each of us postcards from wherever he was at the time. Not to forget the fact that his handwriting was so pretty.

NB: I desperately need to rummage through a truck load of my possessions to find some of the postcards he sent me over a decade ago. It's only ideal that I post a picture of one or two of them on here, no?

8. Casio
I was a sucker for male watches in secondary school. Reason why I often borrowed a few of my male friends' just cause I liked how the watches hung over my wrist due to the obvious fact that they were too big for me.

So when my dad passed, I claimed one of his old Casio watches as mine and wore it for the longest time, even though the battery was dead and gone. 

9. Pringles
My siblings and I had favorite colors when we were little and dad used to buy pretty much everything for us in those colors, including Pringles!

The first time we ever tasted them, we each got one large sized pack. My sister loved the color red so he bought her the original flavor. My eldest brother was a fan of blue and that was the salt and vinegar flavor. My immediate elder brother's favourite colour was green, which was the onion flavor, while mine was yellow so I got the cheese flavor.

I remember the slogan written on the seal, "Once you pop, you can't stop!" That was literally what happened to all of us, even though we tried our best not to finish it all in one day. Epic fail.

10. Olympics and World Cup
We had a "ritual" when we all sat in front of the TV and watched the games with my dad. 

He often explained the technicalities of each sport, who was the current champion and tales of when he used to play tennis back in the day.

There he is, the dude seated on the extreme right :)

He was in Australia in the year 2000 during the Olympic games in Sydney, and he got us all 'Sydney 2000' branded t-shirts.

Our favorite moment was when he got up to sing the anthem along with the American team (He studied in Michigan State University for his master's degree, just incase you are wondering. Lol.) and how energetic he got whenever Nigeria was competing. My mum on the other hand used to "cry" anytime a goal keeper of the losing team didn't catch the ball because she always felt sorry for him.

My most memorable World Cup was France 1998, the season when I had a massive crush on Batistuta. Lmao. Good ol' times!

11. Coins and Stamps
Yep. Dad was a coin  and stamp collector, or in other words, a numismatist and philatelist. He travelled a lot so you can guess how this hobby came about. The big sis has since carried the torch and has all his collections in her 'custody', which surprisingly led to her being featured in the November Forbes Africa Collectors' Edition. I know! Pretty cool, huh?

12. Heineken
My dad's M.O. was to sneak up on us anytime he came back from one of his trips. Of course mum was in on this ALL the time and we NEVER got tired of it...or even suspected it.

But there was this one time we got back from school and found cans of Heineken in the fridge, and that was a giveaway that dad was going to be home anytime soon.
My aunt and uncle who lived with us back then tried to derail our discovery but ko le werk!

Funny enough, we were still uber excited and squealed as usual when we saw him at the front door with his arms opened wide to give each of us a bear hug. And not to forget, the truckload of goodies waiting for us in all his luggages *big grin*

On that note, thank you for allowing me to take you on a little trip down memory lane. I feel pretty happy that I did. The perfect post to end the year  :)

Until next time mi amigos, feliz navidad y prospero ano nuevo! (Google is your friend)

Sidetrack: Chei God, it would be nice if you gave me a Spanish or Italian 'boyfriend-cum-husband' as my Christmas present oh! Just saying sha...