The Villain in Someone's Story

Yet again, it's been ages since I put "pen to paper" - partly because of adulting and mostly because of sheer laziness and lack of inspiration, if I'm being honest.

As for the adulting part, I'm just going to come clean and be open about it - I went through a break up pretty recently. Let's just say December 2024 wasn't a "jolly season" for me. Although there were significant issues in our relationship, us parting ways was due to my own mistake, and I have accepted that the best I can do for myself going forward (and for my future partner) is to learn from my it and do better by God's grace. Also, and equally importantly, to never compromise on the things that matter to me just to "keep the peace" while slowly losing myself in the process.

No thanks to the depressing economy coupled with the fact that everything around me kept reminding me of my ex, I took some much needed time away from Nigeria (2 months to be exact) to clear my head. I am so grateful to my sister-in-law and my brother who came up with this suggestion and sorted out my logistics and entire trip while in Canada where they reside. I needed to be in a different city, experience something I never had (cue in winter) and just be in a bubble that gave me the space I needed to heal - and that destination was the best fit. 

During this time, I had the apartment to myself several hours a day every week (on days when they went to work and my niece was in daycare), and I used the time to reflect on the decisions I made while in the relationship. Don't get me wrong, we had some really amazing times together, but more often than not, the bad times and then the ugly times that led to the break up overshadowed the good times. I have come to we weren't as compatible as we thought (or hoped) we were and we stayed together for longer than we should've, even when we had a couple of opportunities to end things sooner. My experience gave me a whole new understanding of the saying, "Just because two people are good doesn’t mean they’re good for each other."

To be honest, I have questioned whether I truly did care for him, and as hard on myself that I was about it, (still am, sometimes) I'm very certain that I genuinely loved him - and even if I had proved that to him when he needed it the most, we still weren't a right fit, regardless. Atleast not now, and maybe not ever. 

It's been roughly 5 months since we ended things and I'm still working through my emotions and such. I've never experienced a "bad" break up before, so this one really got to me. But I've been through worse before, mentally and emotionally, and I keep reminding myself how God pulled me out of the rot, not once, not twice. Maybe thrice-ish. Lol. So I'm positive that I'll get through this one soon, and hopefully one day look back and fully embrace it as a blessing in disguise.

For now, I'm just focused on growing professionally (I've signed up for some certification courses), mentally (I have embarked on a "12 books in 12 months" mission - 3 down, 9 to go!) and physically (I've decided to switch up my workout routine to cross fit because I need that extra push. Plus, my thighs and midsection were "pleasantly" affected by the daily three course meals and junk I was pumped with during my time away. Might as well put them to good use, no?)

Okay, I think I've shared way more than I thought I would. Anyone who knows me knows how much of a private person I am, so this is somewhat unusual for me. But I don't mind - it feels nice releasing some of the weight on here. 

Sending big bear hugs to my mum, siblings, and a few close friends who were and are always there for me and made the whole ordeal a little less heavier to bear. I absolutely love you guys! 

Anyway, here's to happier blog posts ahead - fingers crossed! 🤞🏽